Getting to Know Your Crew Contest

Lert: "Hey! Mark! Wake up!"   "... Wha?"   "Your interview!"   "... That's not until like three *hic* hours from - ... Wait, what time is it?"   "... It's time for your interview. Your interviewer is already here."   "Blech. Make them go away."   "She's cute. And wearing a sexy dress."   "Ради бога, I've got a *hic* headache. I just wanna curl up and puke."   "Hold on, let me try. Hey, Mark? Kapitan Taranov? There's a free bottle of vodka in it if you answer a few teensy weensy little questions for little old me ... "   "Yes Ma'am right away Ma'am reporting for duty Mama!"   -What part of the world do you hail from?   "I am from small village of Vengerovka, on west side of russia, right between Kursk and Kharkov. I grew up on farm there, lifting heavy things and drinking vodka. Or lifting heavy vodka. I can't quite remember."   -Why did you enlist as a tanker?   "When fascist pigs invaded country, big glorious russian bear needed slightly smaller russian bear to aim gun in refrigerator on top of Kliment Voroshilov tenk at fascist boxtenk and press bootton for glorious fatherland. I am big, proud russian bear. Plus, seeing puny american, japanese and german tenks go *POP* after I press bootton is very funny to me."   -Tell me about a couple of your most memorable experiences.   "One time, I make Ferdinand go *POP*. Other time I make M6 go *POP*. Sometimes I press bootton and no tenk go *POP*, but when I press bootton and puny tenk go *POP*, is always memorable, да?"   -Is there something special you do for "good luck"?   "Yes. I aim gun in glorious Kliment Voroshilov tenk and say prayer to tovarisch Voroshilov for guiding hand in making puny tenk go *POP*. Not always work. Comrade Voroshilov busy man."   -What kind of a career will you pursue after your last random battle?   "I will find other puny things to make go *POP*. Is always things to make go *POP*. Maybe I start soda factory and make everyone pop."   -Is there anything you would like to add that we have not covered in this interview?   "Да. Never stop making puny tenks. Is always funny to me to see tiny tenk in gun sight. Now where bottle of vodka?"